Now, I'm not saying this to bash myself and open up for waves of sympathy; I'm saying it because every time I "take two steps back", it allows for some great introspective thinking. Well, in my case that's what happens, although I used to spend hours berating myself and rehearsing in my head how it could have gone differently. Good thing I've grown up.
This all came to mind today because I had an audition that wasn't necessarily a failure, but it was one where I flubbed a word and knew that I would more than likely NOT be booking it. As I was walking out, it did cross my mind that I went from a HUGE audition for a New Line Cinema feature film and NAILING it, to mumbling a single word in an informercial audition where dialogue is key. It wasn't a matter of nerves, it was just a matter of learning.
Whether big or small, lengthy or short, all my auditions are important to me and they all leave me with a lesson: I've come a long way, I've got a long way to go, but I'm right where I need to be. This is a journey and if I didn't "flub" or "stumble" every now and then, I wouldn't be able to assess where I am and work toward where I'm going. If all my auditions were great, would I really know that if I didn't have the opposite to compare it to? At least my hiccups now are menial compared to what they used to be, and it's a whole lot easier to put them behind me and continue forward where I used to wallow and belittle myself for days.
These little moments...they remind me not that I'm a failure, but that I'm human, and since I'm still working from a place of passion and positivity, I know that my victory is coming...some of it may already be here. Work on making those little bumps in the road pavement you can be proud to walk upon in the future.